The Eyes (Part I)
Called the “window of the soul” for a reason, the eyes don’t reveal everything but they are very expressive!
The way a person looks at someone reveals a lot and the intensity and direction of their stare can reflect a person’s thoughts.Let’s look at different scenarios: GLANCE = POGLEDATI,SVRLJATI
- Glancing sideways
–> could show romantic interest, flirting in a subtle way
- Glancing for a prolonged period of time, intermittently but repetitively
–> sexual attraction, lust if in the distance
–> interest in the conversation if face to face while one of you is talking
- Staring hard without interruption at all
–> invasive and threatening (usually accompanied by small pupils)
- Gazing(BULJITI) up and down
–> appraisal(PROCENA) of sexual attraction – this is true for both men and women, though women are usually more discreet!
- Avoiding gaze
–> could be lying, or feeling guilty or uncomfortable about the subject discussed. If they are looking away after a long gaze, it could just mean they are “taking a rest”, or distancing themselves from the subject.
- Gazing regularly
–> positive, inviting attitude – open to communicate with you
Blinking
- Prolonged blinking (as if blinking in slow motion)–> losing interest (or feeling very sleepy! )- often accompanied by a raised eyebrow. To maintain your influence, change the conversation quickly or ask a question to get them to refocus.
- Excessive blinking
–> showing romantic interest (if their pupils are dilated)
–> sign of stress
–> could be lying
- Rolling the eyes upwards
–> disagreement (or exasperation if very obvious). My best advice if you spot this signal: stop and ask for their opinion… and listen to them!
Eye Contact
You’ve heard this before. To make people feel good and show your interest, you must maintain eye contact.But staring only at someone’s eyes makes it very difficult to maintain your gaze.
The easiest way to maintain eye contact naturally is to look at the person’s whole face above the tip of their nose – see the picture below. Look at the bridge of their nose, cheek bones, forehead, hair.
How to keep eye contact
How Can You Read What People Think?
If someone tells you a single word – by itself – it has many possible meanings. In the dictionary, you’d find several likely meanings for this one word.To know the correct meaning, you simply look at:
- The other words in the same sentence; and
- The general context of the sentence.
To know which meaning is correct, you need to look at:
- other signals that could have a similar meaning – at least 2 or 3; and
- the context of the situation, mailny the environment and the conversation.
- Squint(RAZROKOST) during a conversation
–> showing interest- Looking away
–> possibly shy
–> curious about the surroundings (some people naturally observe their environment more than others)
–> showing interest in your other movements. This would be natural if you’re carrying out an activity or using your arms and hands to express yourself.
Otherwise, it may be a sign that this person is attracted to you… Basically, looking at other parts of your body is part of the unconscious assessment people make about how suitable you are as a mate…
Whether you like it or not, we all do this. We are simply wired to put ourselves in optimal conditions for reproduction of our species.
Without going too deep into neuroscience, let’s look at how a person’s eye directions can tell you what they are actually thinking.
You have probably heard that there are two main parts to the brain:
- the right side: the emotional side, and
- the left side: the logical side.
When we look right or left for a period of time, one side of our brain gets activated more than the other.
This is predictable for right-handed people: When a right-handed person
- looks to the right, their left logical brain is dominant
- looks to the left, their right emotional brain is dominant.
How can you use this?
When dealing with a right-handed person, you’re more likely to make the person feel relaxed and comfortable if you activate their logical side. That is: if you place yourself to their right.
Why?
Because doing the opposite activates their emotional brain… which is home to their emotional and stressful memories. Doing this makes it much more likely they’ll feel nervous, anxious, and uncomfortable.
What if the person is left-handed?
Well, there’s no predictable rule in this case unfortunately. I’m currently researching the best way to deal with this and will let you know when I find something that works.
But there’s more to know about eye direction.
The field of NLP also observed that, depending on the conversation’s context, the position of someone’s eyes can give you clues of where her words are “coming from”.
Here is a simple way to illustrate this:
Body Language: Visual Cues
- Looking to their right or up and to their right:
–>Using their imagination – watch out for exaggeration of the truth or for complete lies.
- Looking down and to their right, or to their left, or up and to their left:
–>Using their memory – they are being honest and truthful.
- Looking down and to their left:
–>Deep in thought.
IMPORTANT NOTE: There is some controversy about this model.
My view is that it is a model that “works” some of the time, but that it is very difficult to use anyway – because people’s eyes rarely remain in one position. My best advice is: use it to potentially confirm meanings you have deducted from several other physical cues – not as a main reference to judge what someone is thinking.
What Can Their Pupils Reveal?
- Wet eyes
–> crying, painful memory, emotional
- Excessive blinking
–> showing romantic interest (if their pupil is dilated)
–> sign of stress
–> could be lying
- Enlarged pupils
–> if in broad light, the person is either experiencing deep satisfaction, or is interested in you
–> in darker environments, it is a natural physical reaction
- Widened pupils / eyes
–> seeing something pleasant – this a sign professional poker players look out for as a giveaway that another player may have a good hand…
Want To Know For Sure…?
The Golden Rule of
another 2 or 3 signals with the same possible meaning – in
different areas of their body or communication.
The Mouth
When you meet someone for the first time, it takes that person 3 to 7 seconds to make her judgement about you. I do it. You do it. We all do it… Unconsciously.Basically, we decide how comfortable we are with that person. Remember, we are wired for self-preservation.
In a nutshell(UKRATKO)…
- perception of a possible pain/danger from that person = not very comfortable
- perception of safety = comfortable.
Once that first assessment is made we adapt our feelings, posture, language, and tone. These first few seconds alone can make or break a relationship whether when influencing someone in a sales or presentation situation, or when flirting with a man or a woman…
And the most crucial body language signal to influence our first impression is the smile. This is also the most recognised signal in every country and every culture.
The Smile
Smiling is a learned phenomenon. Young babies don’t smile naturally. They mimic the expressions of those looking at them… But by the time we reach adulthood, it has become a signal critical to making a good first impression.
Smiling also has an actual impact on your physiology… We’ll look at that in a moment. First, let’s look at the 2 main types of smile…
- The Genuine(ISTINSKI) Smile:
A genuine smile involves the whole face including the eyes… More than just the mouth, many facial muscles are in action. The most visible is the tightening around the eyes. This action around the eyes is extremely difficult to fake and is the main signal you want to look at if you think somebody might not be telling you their real feelings.
Usually used out of politeness… People who put on a smile only use the muscles around the mouth. But the top half of their face remains virtually unchanged. Their smile is also less likely to be showing their teeth. This smile could mean the person is not telling the whole truth.
Let’s test this:
How To Read Body Language Easily: Can You Spot the Genuine and the Forced Smiles?
How does this work?…
The Physiology of a Smile
Endorphins send a message to your brain that makes you feel good… confident… satisfied.
Test it for yourself… try to smile and feel sad at the same time.
Your natural reaction when someone is smiling at you is to smile back (remember, you learnt this as a baby). But there is much more to it…
When you smile at someone, they tends to smile back at you – partially unconsciously… and endorphins get released in their body.
So, thanks to the endorphins, what their unconscious mind memorizes about you is “this person makes me feel good” – a great way to break her skepticism and make them trust you.
Now, you see why smiling first is essential and how it can help you greatly when trying to influence someone, or trying to seduce a man or a woman!
Quick summary:
- Closed lip smile
–> a fake smile to be polite, or the person is embarrassed by their teeth (this applies to many more people than you may think)
- Whole face smile
–> a genuine smile, indicating honesty and openness to communication
- Covering the mouth (or parts of the face)
–> while you are talking, they could be surprised by what you said
–> when they are talking, they could be lying or uncomfortable with the conversation
- Puckered(NAMRGODJENA)
–> tasted something sour or recalling a similar feeling
–> sexual interest
- Pursed(SKUPLJENA)
–> worried
–> disapproval
- Swished (when you are talking)
–> listening to you carefully
–> thinking about what to say next
- Lip biting
–> nervous habit showing anxiety
–> anger
- Looking at your lips
–> if intensely, finding it difficult to understand you
–> if someone of the opposite sex is looking at your lips frequently, they are unconsciously assessing the pleasure they would get if they were kissing you… If you notice other signs of romantic interest in their body language, you may want to flirt back…
The Hair
- Twirling hair around their finger:
–> nervous–> if it is a woman and she is showing other flirting cues, she could be interested in you
- Touching their hair (not twirling):
–> relaxed
–> re-arranging their hair showing your opinion of them matters
–> if it is a man and he is showing other flirting cues, he is preening – showing a romantic interest
The Head
- Level:–> self assurance, confidence
–> authoritative
- Tilt:
–> when you’re talking, they’re paying attention
–> when you’re asking them a question, they’re thinking of the best answer
Listening?… Thinking of the best answer?
- Nodding:–> means Yes, and reflects agreement in most parts of the world (but be careful they are exceptions – it can mean No in parts of
–> shows genuine interest
If you use nodding to seduce men or women, or to influence others, be aware of this myth about nodding:…
Nodding while you are talking only reinforces what the other person has in mind at that moment – not what you are saying.
However, do nod occasionally while this person is talking to you – to show you are interested and focused on them. Whether you are selling, persuading, or flirting, listening to someone always makes that person like you and trust you more.
- Shaking their head:
–> No, or disagreement in most countries.
Beware of any cultural differences with the other person, it means Yes in some countries (see Nodding).
The Hands
- Hiding their hands–> not inclined to communicate
–> secretive, possibly lying
- Touching your face while kissing
–> genuine romantic interest, slow seduction
- Open hand wave
–> inviting, welcoming
- Thumbs
–> superiority
When someone has their hands are in the pockets, leaving the thumbs out, it shows confidence, they probably feel superior.
- Alpha male handshake:
palm facing down (usually at a 45 degree angle)
–> domination
- Bone-crunching
–> enthusiasm or domination
- Limp
–> doesn’t like being touched or submissive
- Double handshake
It is a sort of mini embrace
–> friendly
–> invitation to trust or intimacy
At an unconscious level, this creates a much stronger bond between you and research shows that it makes the person trust you and like you more.
The Face
The Ears
Scratching–> lack of confidence
–> could be a sign of deceit(PREVARA) (usually the ears alos get redder)
The Chin
- Resting in the hand–> possibly bored, faked interest
- Rubbing with their forefinger
–> might not believe what they are being told
- Stroking
–> interested, paying attention during a conversation, if in silence, they are pensive(ZAMISLJEN)
Adam’s Apple
Mostly visible in men, a jumping Adam’s apple shows–> anxiety
–> embarrassment
–> stress
– Touching their nose when talking
–> might be trying to hide something
- Nose flare
–> agitated, angry
- Nose twist to one side
–> disagree or dislike
- Nose wrinkle(BORANJE NOSA)
–> repulsed
The Arms
- By the side and away from the body
–> confident, strong- Closed, crossed
–> uninviting
–> protective
- Touching someone’s arm
–> sympathy
–> subtle invitation to trust or intimacy
You can subtly influence people and seduce men or women using this. Just as brushing someone’s hand (see Hands), touching someone’s arm makes them more likely to trust you and like you.
– Swagger(SEPURENJE) (men), or discreet swishing hip walk (women)
–> seductive, subtle flirting
- Crossed over the knee or at the ankle
–> relaxed, but not completetly at ease
Ankle crossing over the knee (mainly men)
–> confidence, arrogance or assertiveness
- Leg twine (women)
–> physical attraction
–> inviting body language, open to communication
- Touching their thigh
–> usually unconsciously, sign of attraction
(of course this does not apply if the person is walking or dancing)
- Hands in front of groin or chest area
–> closed pose, protective, defensive, not at ease
In a nutshell, our feet point in the direction our mind wants to go.
- Jiggling or Tapping
–> nervous gesture or bored (this is not necessarily a sign of irritation as you might sometimes hear)
- Turned in your direction
–> interested in you
If you are trying to influence someone, or to seduce a man or a woman, consciously point your feet towards that person.
- Turned towards the door
–> lack of interest, impatient to get out (avoid this position when trying to influence someone!)
0 comments:
Post a Comment