Recall an experience still that causes you sadness and
distress. As you remember it, make sure you are re-experiencing it as if
it were happening right now. See everything through your own eyes, all the
feelings - including the associated emotions - through your own body. Pay
particular attention to any sounds; these might include anything that was
said by you or any other significant participants in the original
scenario. It may also include your own self-talk. Make a mental note of
the degree to which this memory still causes you pain.
2. Now
pretend or imagine you can step back out of the experience so you can see
yourself here, as if on a screen. Push the entire away from you, further
and further, noticing, as it moves into the distance, how the colours
begin to leach away and the detail diminishes. Push it as far away as you
need to notice a distinct difference in the way that you feel about the
events.
This is an example, from my own life. As some of you probably already
know, my ex was a profiler. Now only thing that left from her lying 6 feet
below is that knowledge she transferred to me. And I will always be
greatfull to her. Now let’s start – I
was the guy who had identity crisis and who was humiliated by almost everybody…
till I met her.
Example(these were her words while she was diminishing experience that
made me problems, it will be explained by parts):
Recall an experience:
(Name), remember how you were pushed away from people you wanted to have
friendship with. Remember the situation when you were in the room and they
denied you because you are freak.
Re- experiencing with feelings:
(Name), pictures in your brain are so alive. You feel yourself pushed,
unhappy, bad. Like the last piece of shit. All you wanted was mutual
understanding and friendship. Remember their voices telling you to back off, to
stay away from them. It is hurting you from the inside, you want to do
something, but you can’t. You feel yourself bad, humiliated, denied. This is so
hard for you.
Pretending(this is tricky part, and you must know the person you are
helping, for example my anchors were power and cynnism):
Remember as you are creating protective field around you. It is becoming
bigger and bigger. Colours are so alive, it is all fulfilled with green( green
is my favourite colour). You cannot see them through green colour. They are
getting weaker, you are getting stronger… Protective field growing…
What are you feeling about this now? I said pain.
She asked me around 20 times same
sentences…
I started saying nothing.
Are they away? Yes.
Can they reach you? No.
Are they having any value in your life? No.
Are they worth of your time? No.
Can you fight them? Yes.
Next day, when I went to college, that guy who said that I am a freak,
tried to screw me over, and only thing I felt was that poor human been placed
under me in the evolution radar is trying to screw me over in a manner that is
unappropriate for my knowledge level. I started to use cynnism, and after 5
minutes he gave up. I placed myself as he had no values in my eyes.
1. Find the belief that stands in your way of learning new thing easily.
See, hear, and feel yourself trying but not accomplishing, your objective. You
will probably be able to find many examples from when you were in school.
Notice all the submodalities of underperformance, writing down your
observations so you can be systematic in your work.
2. Find a strong and useful belief about something in which you already excel.
It need not fall into the same category as learning the kind of skills referred
to in this book; simply find something that you know you do really well.
Examine its qualities, the same way as above.
3. Compare the two, noting the differences. Pay particular attention to the
size of each image, their positions in your mental space, and whether or not
either involves movement.
4. Push the image of the limiting belief off into the distance until it is
little more than a pinprick, shift it across to line it up with your positive
belief, and then snap it back toward you into you in its new position, shifting
all the original submodalities to match those of supreme confidence and
proficiency. See yourself dropping into a profoundly relaxed state in which you
absorb information easily and are prepared to explore and practice your new
skills with deep commitment.
5. Deepen the state by manipulating the submodalities, the step into that state
of deep trance and pay particular attention to the feelings associated with
being an excellent learner. When you have identified a particularly strong
feeling, anchor it by firmly pressing a particular spot on your body, such as
an earlobe or a knuckle, so that you can easily access the state at a later
date by pressing or 'firing' you anchor and remembering as fully as possible
the experience you created in Step 4.
6. Slowly come back into the room, bringing all the learnings you've made with
you, and in the knowledge that you can repeat this.
1. Throw out
non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the
doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down..
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's
workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is
with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish
your health: if it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't
take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to
a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
And always remember: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but
by the moments that take our breath away.
Some time ago, someone
commented to me that I ought to write a book called The 8th Habit.
The person was basically saying to me that the 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People book by Stephen Covey was not complete because he did
not really address the matter of how you go about developing a habit.
At
the time, my response was that the 7 Habits framework was a complete
paradigm and so I thought the idea was a non-starter. Then - what do you
know - along comes Stephen Covey with his latest book, which is entitled
The 8th Habit.
So,
if the 7 Habits framework is indeed complete, why do we need an 8th
habit? Well it turns out that the 8th habit is not another habit that
was missed out of the 7 habits book: the 7 habits of Highly Effective People was all about
effectiveness. The 8th Habit is about moving from being
effective to being great.
Find Your Voice
& Inspire Others to Find Theirs
The 8th habits is: Find
your Voice & Inspire Others to find Theirs. The essence of this habit is
that you will find your voice when you can say that you are 100% involved
in what you are doing with your life. By 100% involvement, what is meant
is that your body, mind, heart and spirit are all engaged in the adventure
- whatever that is for you. The idea is very simple.
Whatever you are doing right now with your life, ask yourself these
questions. Is it serving my body, mind heart and spirit? In other words,
is it serving your bodily needs: does it allow you to make a good living;
does it more-than pay the bills; does it feed and clothe you and your
family and provide you with a lovely home? Secondly, is it
serving your need for mental stimulation: do you find it truly
stimulating, engaging and challenging? Thirdly, is it serving your
emotional needs: do you just love it and are you passionate about it?
Finally, does it serve your spiritual needs: do you believe it is the
right thing for you to be doing with your life? If you can answer those
four questions relating to body, mind, heart and spirit with a resounding
'yes', then it can be said that you have 'found your voice'. Covey says that the reality
in business today is that there are very many people who have not found
their voices or perhaps they have lost their voices. The result of this
cane be seen everywhere. People may go to work just to earn money i.e. to
serve their bodily needs but do not really put their creativity, talent
and intelligence into the job. Perhaps the job is serving
more than your bodily needs: perhaps it is also mentally stimulating you
but, if you won the lottery, you might immediately resign because it is
not really what you want to be spending your time doing if monetary
considerations were not present. Perhaps, most difficult to imagine is
having a job that provides the money, is indeed stimulating and you love
doing it, but it is still not the right thing for you to be doing. The
cost to business of employing people who don't really understand or even
care about the Vision and Mission of the company is a loss of the 'voice'
of the organization. To find your voice, you
need to examine your natural talent - you are good at something!
Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You have a unique talent; or 'a
unique expression of a talent' in the words of Deepak Chopra. You must
find out what that is. Isn't it interesting that you may actually be
carrying a talent that is presently unknown to you! (I don't often use an
exclamation mark, but that point is I believe worth the punctuation.) You
must find out what you absolutely love to do. You must find out what
really interests you. And you must listen to the confirming inner voice of
your conscience that tells you what is the right thing for you. When you have found your
voice, you can begin inspiring others to do the same thing - that is the
second part of the habit. I always remember Jack Black saying that
following his seminars, at certain leading British companies, some people
actually resign from their jobs. That is because they have been inspired
to give up the process of making a buck and really go for what excites
them in life. I might add that not everyone resigns because some of them
are indeed in the right place. Great leaders have always
inspired us to 'find' ourselves - to find our own 'voices' and to find the
'voice' of the organisation - that is the essence of greatness. People and
organizations who have truly found their 'voices' go on to become great. I
hope that you will invest the time to discover your own greatness.
Being
effective is learning to do 'that which produces the desired result'. If you
want to be extremely successful in business or very happy in life or achieve
some large goal, then being effective is consistently doing the things
that will bring about the results you are after. Perhaps the
best overall prescription for becoming effective is contained within Stephen Covey's best-selling book The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People. Published by Simon & Schuster, this book provides a
useful, sequential framework for understanding much about the process of Personal Development.
Covey does not claim to have invented the 7 habits, but rather to
have discovered them and to have found a simple language for articulating them.
In fact, he says that these basic principles of effectiveness may be found in
all world religions; and it can be noted that many highly successful people
seem to have naturally developed them.
It is perhaps
a great compliment to Stephen
Covey that today, the substance of this first habit is deeply embedded into
the management psyche. We are told, in business, that we should be proactive; and broadly what is meant by that is to
focus our efforts and attention on the long-term and to think in terms of the
long-term consequences of our actions.
Covey
contrasts being proactive or having a proactive mentality with being reactive.
Reactive people, he says, are those who are resigned to the truth that whatever
they do in the present can have no effect on their circumstances. And
interestingly, for reactive people, it really is a truth, for whatever we
believe in our heart affects our thoughts, words and actions. If
we really believe that we can do nothing about our unreasonable boss or the
daily events in our lives, then we simply do not make the effort.
Proactive
people, on the other hand, simply will not accept that there is nothing that
can be done about the unreasonable boss or the events of daily life - they will
point out that there are always choices. It is by the decisions we make, our
responses to people, events and circumstances that proactive people can and do
affect the future. We may have no control over what life throws at us but we
always have a choice about how we are to respond.
Now this
notion that having a particular attitude of mind (which is really where this
habit begins) can make such a huge and positive difference to almost everything
we experience in life is foreign to those who have already internalised the
opposite habit as a part of their personalities. For some people, the glass is
always half-empty and the feeling of melancholy is a pleasant reminder that
something is indeed missing. For such people, this habit represents a bitter
pill to swallow - but, says Covey, it is also completely liberating.
When we are
finally prepared to accept full responsibility for the effects that are
manifest in our lives; when we have the strength of character to admit it when
we make mistakes (even big ones); when we are completely free to exercise the
options available to us in every situation; then it can be said that we have
finally internalised this habit. The other six of the habitsrequire
that we first work on our basic character by
becoming proactive and thereby transforming ourselves into men and
women of integrity.
Many people
in the west identify with the frustration of success. Being successful at their chosen career and
committed to its progress they come to realise that it does not, in the final
analysis, bring any sense of real satisfaction. The reason for this ultimate
dissatisfaction is that they did not begin
with the end in mind. For many people, it is not just that they did
not begin with the end in mind;
it goes a bit deeper - they did not ever get around to defining the end itself and so they simply
could not begin with the end in mind.
So what does all this mean? The end
represents the purpose of
your life. Until you can say what that purpose is, with assurance, then you
just cannot direct your life in the manner that would bring you the greatest
satisfaction.
There are no short-cuts
here. To engage in this habit, you need to have a dream, define your own vision
and get into the practice of setting goals which will allow you to make measurable
progress toward the dream. If you practice a faith, then you will want to
consider how this affects your purpose in life; if you do not, you will still
need to get involved in deep self-examination to find out exactly what it is
that will bring you fulfilment. To help you with this, you may wish to obtain
my E-Book The Deepest Desire of Your Heart; available from this
site. The book contains some excellent self-reflection exercises you can use to
focus your mind on what is most important to you in life.
Until you
have defined your vision - the big dream to which you will be working - you
will be unable to move on to habit 3 which provides a basic framework for you
to re-align your efforts so that you will ultimately achieve your heart's desire.
Following the
amazing popularity of his work on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,
Stephen Covey published a second book that deals with the 7
Habits; and the title of that book is also First Things First. Both the
book and this habit deal with subject of managing your time effectively.
Consider the
simple 2 x 2 matrix shown below. It plots the concepts of urgency and importance against each other; and represents where you
are spending your time. To really understand and apply this habit, you need to
have first done habit 2 - that is, you should already have defined what is
important to you. Without first doing this, habit 3 has no power because you
simply cannot separate what is important from what is not important.
This
representation shows four categories of demand which may be made on your time.
Quadrant 1 consists of activities which are both urgent and important
- in other words, things to which you absolutely must attend. Why must you do
these things? Because they are important
- meaning that they contribute to your mission; and they are urgent - meaning that they have some
sort of deadline associated with them.
Choices about
where to invest your time really are made in the other categories; and most
people - driven by the concept of urgency - get drawn into Quadrant 3; doing
things that consume their time but do not contribute to their goals. Highly
Effective People (yes they all fit together you see) understand that the
high leverage activities are all Quadrant 2 - important
but not urgent. Planning,
preparation, prevention, relationship-building, reading, improving your
professional knowledge and exercise are all examples of Quadrant 2 activity -
not an exhaustive list, by any means.
We all
intuitively know that Quadrant 2 activities are the key to getting results;
but you need to have internalised the first two habits before you can benefit
from the high leverage this habit brings. In other words, you first need to
have developed the strength of character (proactivity) which allows you to be
able to say no to demands on
your time that fall into Quadrants 2 and 3; and you also need to have defined
what importance means for you
- otherwise the Quadrants do not exist.
Put habits
1,2 and 3 together and you have the ultimate success formula. Stated simply -
get your mind right; define what is important; then organise your life to
maximise your Quadrant 2 efforts. By spending appropriate time on
Quadrant 2 activities, you will gain control over the circumstances of your
life; Quadrant 1 will actually get smaller because you will have anticipated
and prepared for much Quadrant 1 activity. Concentrating on Quadrant 2 is
absolutely fundamental to achieving success. You might like to take a look at
the4tm Spreadsheet, available from this site, which can help you
to make this key adjustment in the use of your time.
The next of the 7 Habits is - Think Win-Win.
This habit is again an attitude of mind. It concerns fostering an attitude that
is committed to always finding solutions that will truly benefit both sides of a dispute. Solutions do
not, of course, exist in themselves; they must be created. And, even if we
cannot see the solution to a particular problem, it does not mean that no such
solution exists. The win-win idea is not based upon compromise - that is where
most disputes naturally end. But compromise is the result of not properly
perceiving the possible synergy of the situation.
The more you practice this habit, the more committed you
will become as you find solutions which truly do benefit both parties, where
originally it looked as if no such agreement might be reached. Covey has
amended the wording of this habit slightly in recent years to read: Think Win-Win or No Deal. This attitude
works well because it liberates the individuals concerned from the effort of
trying to persuade the opposite party to shift ground or compromise. The effort
is instead spend on trying to understand, which is where habit 5 comes in - you
see, they are also sequential.
The fifth
habit is - Seek First to Understand. What most people do, naturally,
when involved in some type of discussion, meeting or dialogue is exactly the
reverse - they seek first to be understood. And, as Stephen
Covey says, when both parties are trying to be understood, neither party is
really listening; he calls such an interaction, 'the dialogue of the deaf'.
This habit is an important key to inter-personal relationships and it seems to
be almost magical in its ability to transform the course of discussions. Why?
Because by making the investment of time and effort required to understand the other
party, the dynamics of the interchange are subtly affected.
This habit is
not just about letting the other person speak first; it concerns actually
making the effort to understand what is being said. It is about understanding
that our natural habit of mind is to misunderstand. When we are engaged in
conversation, error is always present. NLP tells us that we
simply make our own meaning based on our own experiences and
understanding of life; and frequently we make the wrong meaning. You might like
to take a look at the answers given by school-children on history
exams which illustrates this principle - we are no different!
If however,
we are prepared to invest the time and effort to really understand the other
person's position; and to get into the habit of spending the first part of the
discussion doing so; then, when it is felt by the other person that you do
indeed understand, the dynamic changes. People become more open, more
teachable, more interested in what you may have to say and with the mutual
understanding that flows from this habit, you are ready to practice habit 6;
which concerns finding creative solutions.
The sixth of
the habits is - Synergize. This habit involves you putting your head
together with the other party or parties in order to creatively brainstorm a
synergistic solution to a problem i.e. to find a solution which contains win-win benefits. It can only be done
successfully if you have first practiced habits 4 and 5. The well-known
definition of synergy is as follows:
Synergy -
When the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
Finding a
synergistic solution means finding a solution which is better than
either party might first propose. Such a solution can only be found if both
parties truly understand the other parties position - the fruit of habits 4 and
5. There have been many books written on successful brainstorming techniques;
my own favourite techniques are those proposed by Edward DeBono - professor of thinking and perhaps most
famous for Lateral Thinking.
Putting habit
4, 5 and 6 together, you have a perfect model for human interaction. Put
simply: first be mentally committed to the idea that a solution that will
benefit all parties may be constructed; next invest the necessary time and
effort to really understand the other party and do that first; finally
creatively brainstorm a synergistic solution - a natural product of mutual
understanding and respect.
The last
habit of the 7 Habits is - Sharpen the Saw. In this habit, you
are the saw; and to Sharpen the Saw is to become better, keener and more
effective. Highly Effective People always take time to Sharpen the Saw.
What is meant by Sharpening the Saw
is to regularly engage in the exercise of the three dimensions which make up
the human condition: body, mind and spirit. Covey also adds a fourth dimension
- the inter-personal.
Spiritual
Exercise
Let us begin
by considering Spiritual Exercise - this is the area which is perhaps the most
misunderstood. I believe that, in the west, we have become spiritually blind.
The progress of our science, education and technology has lead us to construct
a view of the world and the universe that excludes the agency of God. Freud
famously said that it was man that made God 'in the image of his father'. It
is, of course, a very clever statement and not one I wish to here challenge -
whether this statement or the reverse is true is for you to decide. However, as
the west has, by and large, abandoned faith in the creator God, so it has
simultaneously abandoned the idea that life has any meaning or purpose; and it
is purpose and direction in life that this habit
refers to as Spiritual Exercise. Of course, if you are a religious person, then
there will be a tie-up here with your personal faith; however, if you are not
religious, don't also abandon the idea that life holds a special purpose for
you.
To exercise
spiritually, I recommend that you consider engaging in some form of meditation.
Meditation involves regularly sitting in a relaxed position and thinking about
nothing for a period of about 10 or 15 minutes. Why this practice should bring
about any material benefits is an interesting question. You might consider that
you relax your mind quite enough when you sleep, but it turns out that we don't
really relax our minds when we sleep. The brain is active during sleep - during
REM sleep, the brain appears to be processing information. Though it is not yet
known exactly what it is doing, the brain is certainly not passive and so the
mind is not relaxed during sleep. Meditation is the practice of disciplining
the mind, It is difficult to do at first, but if you stick with it, positive
health benefits will follow.
Making use of
Jack
Black's House on the Right Bank is an excellent tool
for combining what is really guided meditation with the practice of regularly
reviewing your mission, your roles and your goals; and that is what Stephen
Covey means when he talks about spiritual exercise - the regular, review
and preview of the things that are most important to you in life. These are the first things that you must define in
habit 2 - Begin with the End in Mind.
Physical
Exercise
Regular aerobic,
physical exercise is essential for health, energy and a feeling of well-being.
Naturally, you should always consult your doctor or physician before you embark
upon any course of physical exercise; and it should be obvious that such
professional advice as may be given, should always be taken into account.
To practice
this part of Habit 7 requires that you commit to at least three sessions of at
least twenty minutes per week. If you are not already engaged in this sort of
exercise, you will find that after a period of about six weeks, you will feel
much better, much healthier and indeed your body will become more efficient at
processing oxygen - which is the key to energy.
Mental
Exercise
Ask yourself
these questions. What am I doing to sharpen my mind? Am I engaged in a
programme of education or learning of some kind? What am I doing to improve my
professional knowledge?
How you
should go about this part of the habit is, of course, for you to decide, but
you should ensure that you are reading regularly. What should you read?
Naturally you want to put in the good stuff - so it's not a case of reading for
its own sake; it is reading carefully selected material which allows you to
broaden and deepen your understanding.
You will
naturally be paying particular attention to the important areas you defined in
habit 2, but you should also consider reading all the great works of literature
and also ancient wisdom literature which includes books like The Psalms
and Proverbs..
Interpersonal
This part is not really a discipline, as are the other three parts, it is
really a commitment; and for me, I make the commitment during the spiritual
part of the habit, that is, during a meditation. It is simply to commit to
approaching inter-personal relationships by making use of habits 4, 5 and 6.
Even if
people approach me making use of language, actions, or behaviour which I
personally believe to be inappropriate, my commitment is to not react, but to use my proactive capacity to engage in the
exercise of habits 4, 5 and 6 which I believe will lead to the best possible
outcome in such circumstances
Do you ever
wonder why people that are positive and optimistic always seem to be so lucky
in life? It is not luck; they are just naturally using a basic principle in
life: you get what you focus on, and your beliefs directs this focus.
Our minds are
biologically set up to focus on certain things, and thereby make them 'part' of
our lives. For example, in a crowded sports stadium full of sights and sounds,
we can still concentrate on what the person next to us is saying (although we
may miss what the announcer is saying). If you wanted to eavesdrop, you could
also shift your focus to what the people behind you are saying, in which case
you probably won't hear what your friend is saying anymore! Our whole lives are
like that, a serious of copious amount of input, information and distractions.
Our focus determines what we will make part of our lives.
Now,
sometimes our subconscious helps us control what we are focusing on. Through
our previous thoughts and behavior, we program our subconscious for
this, sort of like a computer! One program might be 'it is important when my
kids are in danger'. So, at a busy family barbeque, you may be talking and
laughing with friends, and not paying too much attention to your kids in the
backyard. However, if the kids start pointing sticks near each others faces
(yikes!), your subconscious instantly grabs your attention, and you shift your
focus to your children.
The programs
we have in our brain are also known as 'beliefs'. These are the rules we go by
to make sense of all the sensory input and navigate through our lives. Now,
here is the trick: Those 'positive' people, that seem to be so lucky, simply
have 'positive' beliefs. This means that they always focus on the positive side
of any situation. (All situations have a positive side!) They may do
this intentionally, but they also may have a lot of positive beliefs programmed
in their brains that help to ensure this. Your beliefs will determine your
focus.
Your brain
will then pick things out of your environment that match the beliefs you have,
and bring those things to your attention, discarding the input that does not
match.
Here are some
examples of negative and positive beliefs (programming), and how they might
affect your life:
Negative
Belief: Nobody loves me.
Outcome of
Negative Belief: I notice and focus on every little thing that fits this
belief. If my wife is grumpy, it must mean she doesn't love me.
Positive
Belief: I am loved!
Outcome of
Positive Belief: I notice and focus on every little thing that fits this
belief. If my wife is grumpy, it must mean she needs a hug. Or, maybe she isn't
grumpy at all, she just must be tired.
Negative
Belief: My mother-in-law is so controlling.
Outcome of
Negative Belief: I notice and focus on every little thing that fits this
belief. That Mother's Day card she sent is her way of controlling me. I always
notice when she does something annoying.
Positive
Belief: My mother-in-law is so caring!
Outcome of
Positive Belief: I notice and focus on every little thing that fits this
belief. That Mother's Day card she sent is her way of loving me. If she happens
to do something annoying now and then, I don't really notice.
Negative
Belief: Nothing ever goes right for me.
Outcome of
Negative Belief: I notice and focus on every little thing that fits this
belief. How do you think this would affect your life?
Positive
Belief: Things usually go well for me!
Outcome of
Positive Belief: I notice and focus on every little thing that fits this belief.
How do you think this would affect your life?
Now, here is
another trick about this: Every time we notice something that fits our belief,
we believe it even more, and it becomes like fact. Then our brain will show us
even more things that fit this ?fact?!
I know what
you are thinking - 'but do my beliefs really change my life, or just how I view
it?' Yes and Yes. They do both! When beliefs become facts our subconscious will
tend to support actions that make it true. You may always sleep in on important
days for some reason if your belief is 'I always mess up'. You may not even
apply for that great job if your belief is ?My job stinks.? If you believe that
?people are nice? you may notice the five smiling people in a crowd, and not
really even see the frowning people. Since you think people are nice, you are
always smiling, and people tend to smile back. For you, everyone is nice!
(There is also a spiritual component to this process as well, but you don't
even have to consider that aspect to see that these principles are true.)
You can
purposefully take control of your life by examining the things that you think,
even if they seem to be 'facts'. See if you are absolutely sure it has to be
that way. Maybe a more positive belief is possible! And the positive belief is
sure to bring positive results.
Let's see how
this might work:
Current,
negative belief: I am poor.
Possible,
more positive belief: I am gaining more income all the time.
Great, really
positive belief: I am rich!
Current,
negative belief: My boss hates me.
Possible,
more positive belief: My boss wants me to do well.
Great, really
positive belief: My boss appreciates and supports me!
Current,
negative belief: I am unattractive.
Possible,
more positive belief: I am pretty good looking.
Great, really
positive belief: I am attractive and beautiful!
What types of
things would your brain focus on if you held each one of those beliefs? How
would your mood, energy and performance level be? Would the things you focus on
tend to make you happy or sad?
So, this is a
complex topic, but I hope I have convinced you to at least try examining some
of your beliefs, and seeing if you can't make them just at least a bit more
positive (if you can bring yourself to make them really positive, even better!)
All you need
to do is take out pencil and paper, and start writing down everything you
believe about a topic. Look at each statement and think about what types of
things your subconscious must prompt you to focus on to meet this belief. Think
to yourself: Does it necessarily have to be like this? What better, more
positive belief could I have? Write it down!
Your new
belief may not seem to match ?reality? at first, but don't worry about that.
Give the new programming some time to sink in and counteract the years of
programming you already have. Just gently remind yourself of the new belief
whenever the issue comes to the forefront, and then don't worry about it. Your
new belief will become reality soon enough.
I hope you
try on some new beliefs for size, see how they change your focus, and see what
types of results you can create in your life. Program yourself for happiness
and success!
So maybe you’ve begun developing a small but growing community of
interested online “fans”. Hopefully you’re building your dedicated
community of fans by being a “trust agent” (Chris Brogan), delivering
value and dedicating yourself to “being remarkable” (Seth Godin).
But, once you’ve begun to develop this “fan community” what
are the best strategies to increase loyalty, keep them active &
create conversions?
The marketing guru’s who’ve built hundreds of thousands of people on
their “fan lists” for years would say “market them hard!”. Yet you
know internally that you shouldn’t be spamming them relentlessly
(because you know how it feels to be pitched multiple times a day) with
an attractive, shiny headline “spinner bait” being trolled along the
top of the email marketing water to lure you into clicking & buying
their stuff.
Online marketing has changed dramatically in the 5-10 yrs since many
of those “experts” became successful and accumulated their lists. The
average online navigator is far less naive, there is far more
competition to delineate yourself from and thus their methods are
terribly outdated. But they already have their huge community to do
their “email telemarketing” so what do they care.
In today’s marketing climate with so many options out there, the
average internet prospect is both “jaded” from being burned & far
more intelligent. Trust me, you don’t want to immediately think “I
want to monetize my community & cash in!” as a main focus.
You attracted them because of value, now I propose to you that you
bring them closer as a result of…. well, even greater value! Give them
what they want and you don’t have to try and “Mass Control” anyone.
(yes, I know, I do like Frank but never liked the product name).
I want to give you 10 things that you can do to grow your community,
increase long-term sales and avoid causing them to get the “bait &
switch” sickness (ie. you got me to follow because I believed you
brought value and now you deluge me with marketing crap). That “virus”
is the most powerful cause for community inactivity, complacency and
number shrinkage.
Here are the Top 10 ways to develop loyalty in your brand,
increase conversions and grow you’re community of “active” followers
long term:
Provide Personalized Engagement & Acknowledgment Without Hard Selling! (This is #1 for a reason) It’s not social media MARKETING; it’s SOCIAL
media marketing. They aren’t numbers, prospects or represent future
sales. They are people who want to be engaged with, by YOU in some
form that enriches their day. The individual, no matter how
“influential” (or not), deserves to be respected as a human being with
value (apart from what you feel they may represent to your bank
account). Although I personally auto-tweet helpful content I also
interact all the time. Any mentions, retweets etc. I always
personally send a thank you, check in and see how people are doing,
how’s their marketing efforts are going, how’s their family etc.
without ever even thinking of asking for business. This is true on
Facebook, site comments etc. This is a theme you’ll see in this list
but work to be seen as an ASSET! If you do that, good things ALWAYS
happen with your business!
Be A Connector Of The Like Minded & The Center Of The Win-Win Scenarios.
Evangelists are fueled by meeting other believers. If you connect them
with each other, the value of your network grows. There’s actually a
mathematical formula that backs this up. It’s called Reed’s Law. As Chris Brogan states “work to be at the elbow of every deal you can… be a connector”
Understand Their CORE Motivation. They aren’t
connecting to you because of what you do. As Simon Sinek brilliantly
put it, “people don’t buy what you do, people buy why you do it.” And
she’s 100% correct. It’s not enough to do the right thing; you want to
convince those you are attracting that you are doing it for the right
reasons, for their best interest. In today’s online marketing climate
this has NEVER been more vital! Figure that out and you’ll be able to
give them more of what they want. In order to do that you need to have
profiled who you’re the target market is that you are pursuing, what’s
deeply important to them and what their key motivators are (see told
you I like Kern).
Offer Frequent Opportunities To Participate. Don’t
just offer simple contests; offer involvement. Trust me; it’s the
difference between watching the movie “Top Gun” and sitting in the
cockpit of an F-18. Nothing creates more trusting loyalty than active
participatory opportunities. TMZ.com
does a great job with this at the bottom of most of their posts they
offer a applicable poll question as well as a compelling comment
question. Drudge Retort does a great job of this as well. It’s the reason they garner thousands of comments per post!
Keep Your Participation Uniquely Relevant To Them.
You don’t want to pull a topic “180” that undermines your credibility.
If you’re at my house and I’m talking about landscaping, you wouldn’t
blurt out “Hey, when will you finally buy my freakin stuff?” Your
social point of contact is “your house” – be kind to your guests. If
it appears you are doing one only to get the other then your reputation
is already compromised. Yes you are here to make money but there is a
science… a method to the online marketing madness using social media.
You’ve got to understand that your relevant helpful content alone
cements your reputation and is in itself “marketing”.
Be A Quality Content Aggregator. As you’ve heard
me quote him before,Clay Shirky said, “It’s not information overload,
it’s filter failure.” Be the filter for your community about what’s
relevant to them and they won’t have to go other places.
Offer Social Proof Whenever Possible. Comments,
participation & positive reviews do something else, they sell!
Robert Cialdini in his book “Influence” tells us how much we value the
opinions of others and that we subconsciously look for clues in the
behaviors of those we identify with as to what we should do. Let your
community know what others just like them find valuable. Complimenting
yourself makes you an egomaniac, the compliments of others makes you
celebrity-like.
Prioritize Providing A Unique Experience. Create
an experience that brings with it positive emotions. When you give your
community access to unique and valuable information, interact in a way
that makes them feel special etc, it builds loyalty, motivates word of
mouth and more marketing then you could personally do from a mountain
top.
Make What You Provide Usable. You want to create
something that is memorable and reminds them of your value even when
they are not in contact with your site or material. The easiest way to
accomplish this is to provide something that is easy to implement and
use. Making them say “wow that was cool” is one thing. Making them say
“Wow that’s amazing and I know exactly where I can use that” is
essential to being a trust agent and being seen as an invaluable asset.
Seek Opportunities To Provide Value With “No Strings Attached.” The
level of value you provide in your blog/site, the quality of your
social media interaction and your free give away content need to be
able stand on their own. Give some of your best stuff away (some not
all). Why?Tim Sanders has written a great book called “Love is the Killer App,”
and he is 100% right on the money. Think about it; which creates the
better feeling ? “I’ll give you A, if you do B for me” or “here’s A …
just because I think you’re cool?”
Don’t be naive; we are ALL working to build an affiliate network.
We’re building an army of people who will point to your site and tell
others how great of a person you are, how great of an asset you are and
how you’re THEIR friend. They will say it with pride “man you’ve got
to go over the a site called TheBizcoachBlog.com. Patrick has got
years of great content there and his training seriously rocks (yes
shameless plug as an example Lol!). Don’t you want thousands of people
to say that with pride and boast about you and what you have to offer?
If you’re about herding traffic like sheep into pens that lead to a
conversion then you’re taking your instructions from the so called
“guru” examples that you yourself hate & killing your brand
reputation in the process. Work to be seen as an invaluable asset to
people and they will point people to you from their network that your
valuable content & interactions will convert thus creating a
momentous wave.
Brand evangelism truly needs to be the focus of your online
marketing social traffic generation. Once you get that, it might take
a little bit to turn the battleship but trust me…. It WILL turn and
create more business then you can imagine. It’s what I preach, teach
and see proven every day.
